In just about a month, I’m going to be graduating, That’s scary and exhilarating at the same time. It’s scary because it means that my college career will be over. Also there is so much I need to get done in this last month, it seems just a little overwhelming. There’s my honors thesis that I need to wrap up (finished the first complete draft on Sunday), there’s a project for my Networks class that I haven’t even started and I have to write another 15 pages of a screenplay.
At the same time, it’s incredibly exciting because I’m just about ready to move on. I’m not sure if I’m ready to finish college, but I am ready to try new things. I’m looking forward to a brand new city (Ithaca, NY), maybe an internship and then a new school with new challenges. I’m ready to move on to graduate school, to work on my own, to have more responsibility for what I do (and what I don’t do). Not sure if I’m ready for even colder weather, but I have time to deal with that.
I don’t think that I’ve quite come to grips with the fact that my four years at Lafayette are over. I just haven’t had the time to let that sink in yet. I’m sure at some point between now and May 21 that will happen, but I don’t know how to deal with the moment when it does happen. I suppose there will be some amount of regret for the things I could have done that I didn’t (like an Art or English major). But I’m sure I’ll also be wondering how I did manage to do everything that I did do. It has been a long four years in which a lot has happened.
It would be normal for me to say that I’m sad to leave, to not live next door from my friends, to not go on midnight Wawa runs ignoring the wind and cold. But I’m not sad, not really, not yet. Right now, it’s just a sense of there being something on the horizon. It’s still far enough that it’s not taking up much of my field of vision. There are things much closer that are looming large and need to be dealt with. When graduation finally rolls around, I’ll deal with it. Somehow. Sadness is just not part of the equation right now, I’ll let you know in a month.
I read somewhere on the Internet that leaders and businesses overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 10. That’s true for college students too. We overestimate what we can do in a semester and underestimate what we can do in a eight. And when I say we, I mean I. I hope that’s a lesson I remember when I start at graduate school. Admittedly, graduate school isn’t college 2.0 (the professors don’t quite have your back like they do at Lafayette), but it is divided conveniently into semesters and summers, and that makes planning and pacing so much easier.
I’m glad it’s not cold anymore. The snow and ice was really starting to get tiring. It’s rainy and cloudy and the days are more dreary than not, but it’s a start. This has absolutely nothing to do with graduation and I can tell I’m starting to get into rant mode. Here I am sitting in front of a nice shiny Mac typing away when I have a dozen things that need to get done this very instant. But how is that different from any other moment of college? There’s always something that needs to be done, a homework set that needs completing, an exam that needs studying for, a party that needs going to. Somehow we’ve lived through four years of it and kept our sanity (okay, maybe not our sanity, but we’re definitely still alive). Here’s to keeping our eyes on the horizon.